A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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