did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize