Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
