he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
