cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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