David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
