im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
