I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
