I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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