so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
