I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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