You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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