She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
