If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
