My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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