I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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