turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
