I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
