I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize