omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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