I'd wear matching sweaters with you
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
