I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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