Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
