I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
not ubering you a puppy
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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