Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
