She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you would pick up someone in the library
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
