Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
