Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
