True but thats because hes a fetus.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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