I think my fart just growled at me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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