The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
