Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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