I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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