She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
