Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
