She's JV to your varsity
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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