he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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