just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize