dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
