You're my little dorito
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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