i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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