I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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