I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
