Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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