it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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