Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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