never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
