butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
