We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
