just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
