i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
