This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
