i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
