chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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