Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
