Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
