I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
