Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
