I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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