I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's shark week go big or go home
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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