Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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